Can I be sexual even when I am not in the mood?

You can be sexually active even when you are not mentally active. Let me explain that. There are times when you hear people say they had sex for thirty minutes, twenty minutes, fifteen minutes, and you find yourself wondering what they were doing for that long.

Mental Disconnection During Sex

Someone may have been mentally disconnected at some point. They were thinking about other things, they had other matters on their mind, and so they were not fully present. They lasted for seven, ten, fifteen minutes because they were not as mentally active or engaged, and it’s important to understand that this is possible.

Sex Quality and Being in the Mood

However, you are not going to have great sex when you are not in the mood. Not being in the mood, though, should not be the reason sexual starvation happens in your relationship.

Planning for Intimacy

If you are not in the mood today, the question becomes: what are you going to do tomorrow to ensure you are in the mood tomorrow? If you are constantly not in the mood and you haven’t been in the mood for the last two to three weeks, then we have to ask what the real issue is.

The Mood, Not the Sex, Is the Issue

Because the issue is not the sex; the issue is your mood. What is going on in your life, in your heart, in your mind personally that is taking you out of the mood? You’re not just not in the mood for sex — you’re not in the mood for excitement and pleasure generally. That tells me there are other things in your life that you are presently not in the mood for.

Addressing the Underlying Problem

So we should be addressing your mood, not the lack of sex, because that shift in mood — that persistent sense of not being in the mood — is an indicator of a bigger problem.