How do I stop feeling broken for needing help to get wet?

Being with the Right Person

You stop feeling broken by getting wet with the right person. If the person you are sexually active with looks at you like you are a problem, like something is fundamentally wrong with you, there isn’t a lot of comfort anybody can give that will change that.

Your Internal Dialogue

If you are judgmental of yourself—highly critical of yourself, usually because you’ve lived with or experienced critical leaders and voices in your life—then you will naturally feel broken. The feeling of brokenness is not because you are terrible, nor because your sex life is rubbish. It is a function of your dialogues, your lived experience, and your other life activities.

A Pattern, Not a Sexual Problem

This tells me that if you failed at your job, you would have the same response. If you lost money in business, you would have the same response. If you found yourself in some other bad situation, you would have the same response. So this response is not particular to your sex life. If you can fix where the fundamental dialogue is coming from, you will naturally be in a better place to handle yourself not getting wet.

Addressing Arousal Specifically

As for getting wet specifically, you want to pay attention to your body and have conversations with your partner. Extend your foreplay time: if it was thirty minutes, make it an hour. Go for sessions, go for couple retreats, go to environments and experience activities that make you open up, that make you play.

The Play–Flirt–Foreplay–Sex Formula

This is my formula: if you play, you will flirt; if you flirt, you will smoosh; you will foreplay, and then you will have sex. And if you cannot play, we already have a problem—and you cannot play in an environment where you already feel judged, critiqued, and considered broken.