1. What Are Mismatched Drives?

How do we talk about mismatched drives, right? Mismatched drives. I know people out there will always call it sexual incompatibility. How do you do it? Sexual incompatibility. But let me call it mismatched drives because the reality is that, over time, as life happens, there is always going to be mismatched drives, right?

Many people, many singles, usually want to have sex as singles so that they can know who matches their energy. But you see, by the time you face life, you have to face career, you have to face business, you have to face parenting, maybe one thing or the other. Something will happen that will make one person have a higher drive than the other person, and it will switch from time to time. But then you don't have to blame anyone because it’s not their fault.

2. How Should Partners Approach the Conversation?

They are not the ones doing it. You want to be able to just talk gently, and you want to see how you can focus, understand they are not accusing. You want to know what’s happening to your partner—what’s happening in your partner’s mind, right? Because, see, family and friends, mismatched drives are normal. I mean, very normal.

I’m tempted to say that almost every couple experiences it at one point or the other because we all respond to life experiences differently, right?

3. What Actually Helps Couples Manage Mismatched Drives?

So what will actually matter in your marriage, for you both to be able to fix mismatched drives, will be for you to always remember that you are a couple, you are a team, right? My wife and I, we always want to say team, all right? You are a team, so you want to find rhythms, you want to find patterns, you want to find routines and systems, you want to make compromises that will honour the two of you.

4. Does Desire Truly Disappear?

Now, remember what I always say: desire does not disappear forever, right? It just needs attention, it needs safety, it needs recognition, and of course, it needs honest communication to rise again—for you both to be able to understand yourselves, understand where you are, understand where each other is, and be able to extend grace to that person.