How do I explore my desires safely while single?

I will not call pornography safe. I will not call masturbation safe, and the reason is the ease with which you can get addicted to them. However, you want to start paying attention to the things that make you want to explore.

Noticing What Sparks Your Curiosity

For example, you’re watching a movie and a kissing scene comes on, and there’s something about the kissing that makes you think, I want to do that. It’s not the kiss itself. What was the journey that led to the I want to do that?

Paying Attention to Subtle Signals

You’re having a conversation with a friend, and there’s something—something that makes you tingly. Are you paying attention? Until you start paying attention to the things that are even turning on your desires, you can’t know what to explore.

Understanding What You Want Before Defining Safety

You can’t know what to do safely because you don’t even know what you want to explore, which therefore means you may be reckless and simply define what “safely” means to you without clarity.

Safety Means Different Things for Different People

If “safe” for you means, I want to do something that does not allow me to get pregnant, that is very different from, I don’t want to do something that puts me in a position where I’m disrespected. Some people will say they want to go and explore certain kinks, and they don’t mind the consequence of being the person who is the submissive or whatever that is for them. That may not be safe for you.

Defining Your Own Boundaries

And so what is safe is decided by you. Then you can explore within that parameter.