How do I make foreplay feel like connection not performance?
Foreplay as Connection
Foreplay ought to be connection, and if you feel like you need to make it into connection, then you’re already foreplaying incorrectly. Foreplay means to play, but to play in advance. Most people think the play is the actual sex, so they imagine foreplay as the warm-up before the main event.
If Foreplay Feels Like Performance
If your foreplay is already performance, I know your sex is going to be poor, because your “pre-play” is already serious. When the space that’s meant to be playful becomes a task, the whole experience becomes heavy.
Understanding the Goal of Foreplay
Understand what the goal of foreplay is. It’s for you to rest, to relax, and to enjoy. If you cannot foreplay in connection, then nothing you do is going to change the outcome of the sex itself.
What Connection Requires
Connection takes time, energy, investment, and presence. It takes being available. It means being there, not wanting to be the ruler or the leader, and being receptive.
Giving and Receiving
In connection, you’re not only giving; you’re also receiving. If you fail to do all of this together, you’ll end up being a person who takes charge rather than someone who experiences the moment.
The Real Goal
The goal is not to take charge. The goal is to experience pleasure and ensure that your partner receives the maximum amount of pleasure they can.
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