How we all fund pornography 5

27. Understanding Teenage Sexual Behaviour

Very few teenagers actually intend to engage in sex. Many were simply never given proper sexual education. So when they encountered pleasure, they could not deny it. They enjoyed the pleasure without understanding the consequences, such as pregnancy and STIs. All of this would have been resolved if proper sex education had been provided.

I will come to sexual abstinence, but for now, just follow me. If we had educated teenagers well enough from the start, they would have understood the consequences of saying, “I intend to do this. I intend to have sex.” If I am going to have sex, it means I could get pregnant, which means I have to check for condoms or contraceptives. They would have prepared for it. But most teenagers don’t.

Sex simply happens to them because no one prepared them for the biological consequence of growth. Sexual arousal is a natural part of development. As long as you are growing, your body will grow into that phase. And if you don’t learn that those urges will come, if you don’t prepare mentally for them, they will take you by surprise and you will act on them even when you’re not ready.

In fact, you might even act on them with people you don’t like. That is why, when teenagers are in abusive relationships, they struggle to speak up. They already feel they have messed up. They don’t even know where they messed up, but they feel messed up. They feel guilty—too guilty to leave, too ashamed of themselves to speak out. And so they stay, suffering.

28. The Danger of Extremism

Being extremists, whether in demanding absolute abstinence or in pushing extremely liberal sexual conversations, endangers teenagers and young adults. When we are either extra conservative or extra liberal about sex, we put them at risk.

How do we do that? We make it difficult for them to take decisions on their own. When a person says, “I don’t want to have sex,” the next question becomes “Why?” If it is because of their parents, what happens when their parents are not there? If it is because of pregnancy, what if someone provides contraceptives? If it is because of STIs, what if condoms are available?

By not allowing them to define their own reasons for abstinence, we box them into a corner. And every time there is an escape from that corner, they will take it.

29. Virginity and Opportunity

When I was growing up as a young lady in Nigeria, one of the most popular sayings in school was that virginity was a lack of opportunity. Some virgins used to be angry about it. “Why would they say it’s a lack of opportunity? I decided not to do it.”

Then one day, a boy asked a girl, “Do you have dogs in your compound?” She said yes. “Does your father chase you indoors at seven?” She said yes. “Do you have elder brothers?” Again, yes. And he concluded, “Then you can never lose your virginity because you don’t even have the opportunity to.”