Why do I still fear the person who touched me inappropriately?
The first touch- Ask Liza Answers
The fear you still feel isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a biological imprint. When someone violates you, especially in childhood—the brain encodes that experience as a threat. The amygdala, your internal alarm system, doesn’t operate on logic; it operates on memory and survival. So even if the person is long gone, your body still behaves as though danger is present. What you’re feeling is the residue of trauma stored in the nervous system.
There’s also the emotional dimension: betrayal. When someone who should have kept you safe becomes the source of harm, your system learns to anticipate danger even in silence. This creates long-term fear that resurfaces in adulthood, especially during intimacy, conflict, or moments of vulnerability.
But here’s the strategic truth: fear is not permanence; it’s a conditioned response. Through traumainformed therapy, grounding techniques, EMDR, somatic work, and safe relationships, the brain can relearn safely. Your fear is a history, not a destiny. And the moment you begin to tell your story without collapsing inside, you’re already reclaiming power.
You’re not afraid because you’re weak; you’re afraid because your body tries to protect a younger version of you. Healing is about teaching it that the threat is over.
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