Why do I miss pain because it made me feel alive?

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Why do I miss pain because it made me feel alive?

Pain can become addictive when it’s the only sensation you’ve learned to associate with presence. For people who’ve lived with trauma, emotional chaos, or internal emptiness, pain becomes familiar—almost comforting in its predictability. It’s not the suffering you’re drawn to; it’s the aliveness it brings.

When numbness dominates your internal world, pain becomes the only thing intense enough to break through the fog. It gives clarity, direction, and emotional sharpness. It reminds you that you still exist. That’s why you sometimes miss it—even when you despise the suffering itself.

Psychologically, this is linked to trauma bonding, nervoussystem dysregulation, and emotional memory. Your body learned that pain equals engagement. So now pleasure feels faint, peace feels foreign, and safety feels empty.

Breaking this pattern means teaching your nervous system that aliveness doesn’t have to come through suffering. You can feel alive through joy, connection, creativity, physical expression, achievement, purpose, or rest. But your system needs time to adjust.

Missing pain doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re still healing from a life where pain was the only thing that felt real.

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tolusefrancis Toluse Francis is a renowned mental health therapist, certified life coach, trainer, and consultant dedicated to promoting emotional well-being and resilience. Therapy and Coaching Expertise Approach: He uses evidence-based techniques from behavioral sciences, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Specialties: His areas of expertise include: Anxiety and Depression Trauma, Grief, and Loss Relationship Issues Habits and Addiction Workplace Mental Health Focus: He is committed to helping individuals move past negative experiences, overcome poor mental health, and focus on their future with enthusiasm. Professional Roles and Advocacy Founder: He is the principal and CEO of Reuel Consulting Ltd, a firm specializing in helping organizations and individuals move toward measurable mental health action. Leadership: He has served as the African Regional Vice President and a Board Director for the World Federation for Mental Health (WFMH), overseeing activities in the African region. Public Profile: He is a sought-after writer, public speaker, and media contributor on mental health, personal growth, and emotional intelligence, working to break mental health stigmas. Toluse Francis holds a B.Sc. in Biochemistry and a Diploma in Mental Health and Psychology. He has over 7 years of experience in the field, with sessions typically conducted online.