Why I chase thrill but fear connection?

Intensity Craving -Ask Liza Express Answers

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Why I chase thrill but fear connection?

Thrill gives you adrenaline without vulnerability. Connection demands vulnerability without adrenaline. For someone with trauma or emotional wounds, adrenaline feels familiar—connection does not. Thrill is predictable: it gives you a rush that temporarily makes you feel alive, powerful, or distracted. Connection is unpredictable: it requires emotional honesty, trust, and exposure.

You chase intensity because it bypasses emotional depth. It gives you stimulation without requiring you to open your heart. It distracts from emptiness but never fills it. The fear of connection, on the other hand, is rooted in attachment wounds. If closeness once brought pain, betrayal, or disappointment, your brain concludes that emotional intimacy equals risk.

So you gravitate toward environments where you’re in control—seeking excitement while avoiding exposure. It’s a way to feel something without risking everything.

The challenge is that thrill satisfies your nervous system but starves your soul. Connection feels threatening now because your emotional blueprint hasn’t yet learned the difference between past danger and present safety.

Healing requires gradually teaching your nervous system that connection can be safe. As you heal, thrill becomes optional, and connection becomes possible.

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tolusefrancis Toluse Francis is a renowned mental health therapist, certified life coach, trainer, and consultant dedicated to promoting emotional well-being and resilience. Therapy and Coaching Expertise Approach: He uses evidence-based techniques from behavioral sciences, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Specialties: His areas of expertise include: Anxiety and Depression Trauma, Grief, and Loss Relationship Issues Habits and Addiction Workplace Mental Health Focus: He is committed to helping individuals move past negative experiences, overcome poor mental health, and focus on their future with enthusiasm. Professional Roles and Advocacy Founder: He is the principal and CEO of Reuel Consulting Ltd, a firm specializing in helping organizations and individuals move toward measurable mental health action. Leadership: He has served as the African Regional Vice President and a Board Director for the World Federation for Mental Health (WFMH), overseeing activities in the African region. Public Profile: He is a sought-after writer, public speaker, and media contributor on mental health, personal growth, and emotional intelligence, working to break mental health stigmas. Toluse Francis holds a B.Sc. in Biochemistry and a Diploma in Mental Health and Psychology. He has over 7 years of experience in the field, with sessions typically conducted online.