How Do I Handle Sex After Infidelity When It Feels Forced?

Many people say cheating is their deal breaker — something they could never forgive — yet some genuinely want to forgive and rebuild, and find that sex feels forced when they try to reconnect.

Every time intimacy is attempted, you might find your mind returns to the betrayer and to memories of the affair; that reaction is valid because infidelity is a deep wound and the body remembers.

The goal after betrayal should not be performance or meeting expectations; it should be rebuilding intimacy slowly and gently so that sex becomes an expression of connection rather than obligation.

Approach reconnection like what older generations called love-making: pause, breathe, and allow trust to grow again so that intimacy can feel safe, kind and wanted.

Do not let guilt or pressure drive sex — for example, “I must have sex because I cheated,” or “I have to satisfy my partner because they were starved” — because pressured sex will not heal the wound.

Start rebuilding outside the bedroom: focus on emotional reconnection, honest conversation, consistent reassurance and physical closeness without expectation so that sexual intimacy can return naturally and slowly.

Give yourself permission to wait until sex feels safe and desired, not compelled; when both partners choose each other again with honesty and patience, intimacy will follow.