How we all fund pornography 6

By giving people enough information to make decisions, you are empowering them to retain their decisions with or without your presence. So if you keep being extremely focused on abstinence and you keep shaming whoever is not abstaining, you keep shaming the lack of abstinence. 

Good story :There was a time I had a client who was sexually assaulted by a family friend. Her parents used to drop her with a family friend and this young man used to try to finger her vagina and a few other things. When she finally had the nerve to tell her parents, oh, this is happening.

Guess what? Her parents paid for her therapy session, but they would always tell her that if she was not a virgin, they would not collect her bride price. That's shaming. You were shaming her abstinence status, but that was not her fault.

You were the one who exposed her to an abuser in the first place. But because they are abstinence extremists, they don't see their child. All they see is a sexual status.

When they look at their daughter, they don't see a human being. All they see is someone who is not a virgin. Virginity does not determine the class of your life

30. The Weight of Choice

It is phenomenal if you are. It is beautiful if you choose to. It is beautiful. It is your choice. But if you enforce it out of fear and shame your children and shame the younger people around you into it, you leave them very few options.

31. The Silence Created by Shame

If they get sexually abused, they will not tell you because they know you will stop giving them regard. They know you will start disrespecting them. They will not tell you about it. If they were to make a mistake and they got pregnant, instead of allowing you to find out, they will abort the child, risk the tendency of ruining their womb, risk the tendency of getting a serious infection—risk whatever it is.

32. The Consequences of Withholding Education

You know why? Because they want you to respect them. And because you are not giving them the sexual education they need, they will get it from pornography.

33. The Dangers of Excessive Liberalism

The other extreme is to be absolutely liberal. And so you keep telling younger people around you to explore, to explore. But you are not telling them the truth: that every exploration comes with its own emotional stress. Whether you want to try a one-night stand or you want to be someone who has a permanent partner or you want to have multiple partners—whatever lane you choose to go—sexual activity requires a measure of emotional strength, emotional capacity.

34. Pushing the Unready

If you keep pushing them down that lane when they are not ready, you box them in. You put them in trouble. It is not unusual for parents to force their kids to have sex with someone for money.

35. When Sex Loses Its Value

By the time they keep feeling unwanted and unappreciated, and sex for them becomes something that lacks respect and lacks honour, they feel no different fromthe porn star.