How can I tell desire apart from pressure?
Blurred lines-Ask Liza Express Answers
Desire feels like choice. Pressure feels like obligation. Desire draws you in; pressure pushes you forward. When you’re acting from genuine desire, you feel present, safe, curious, and connected to your body. When you’re acting from pressure, you feel tense, checked out, conflicted, or disconnected.
Pressure often comes from internal scripts:
“I don’t want them to be upset.”
“If I say no, they might leave.”
“I owe them since they’ve been kind.”
“I don’t want to look boring or prudish.”
These thoughts create emotional coercion—even when the other person says nothing. Trauma makes it harder to distinguish desire from fear because your body may freeze or comply automatically to avoid conflict.
A practical test: If you can’t say no freely, you can’t say yes freely.
Take a moment to check in with yourself:
Does this feel aligned or pressured?
Am I responding from fear or choice?
Does my body feel open or tense?
Desire is grounded. Pressure is frantic. Desire honors your boundaries. Pressure violates them—sometimes quietly. Learning the difference requires slowing down and listening to your internal signals, not the expectations around you.
Your desire deserves honesty. Your body deserves clarity.
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