Infidelity and the possibility of recovery

Infidelity and the Possibility of Recovery

Infidelity is such a crazy thing, right? The good part, though, is that people get to ask me whether marriages can ever recover from it. And my answer is always yes. I mean, come on, we have an infidelity recovery programme, right? We've seen marriages that have genuinely recovered from infidelity.

Can Desire Return After the Emotional Damage?

So the question usually becomes whether desire can return after the emotional damage of infidelity. Can the person who cheated still have desire for the spouse they hurt? And, even more importantly, can the spouse who was cheated on still feel desire for the person who betrayed them? The answer is yes. Desire can return — but it comes back in phases. Proper phases.

Understanding the Emotional Shock

We must not forget that an emotional shock happened. That shock has the ability to shut everything down. It can just shut it all off completely. However, as the relationship becomes calmer and you begin rebuilding from outside the bedroom — rebuilding physical intimacy, emotional intimacy — security will gradually grow again in the marriage.

How Security Awakens Desire

And as security grows, one common thing we see is that desire begins to wake up. It’s not because the partner has forgotten the pain. It’s not even because the body has forgotten the pain. It’s because a connection is now being rebuilt. There’s a connection starting to come together again, and that makes a huge difference.

Patience in the Recovery Process

This is why we usually tell people going through infidelity recovery to kindly be patient. Let things grow slowly and gradually. Yes, desire will return, but I don’t expect it to return in the first month or two, or even three. If it does happen that quickly, it’s a miracle.

The Gradual Return of Desire

But as long as we are accepting forgiveness, choosing to connect again, bonding, and doing the work, over time we can almost guarantee that desire will awaken. That desire will return to the marriage. Honestly, I could almost guarantee it.