How do we start feeling safe in bed again?

Now we’re talking about healing after infidelity, and there’s something I usually tell people: in marriage, if there’s anything that is truly exclusive, that most people want to be exclusive, it is the sex.Interestingly, before you got married, you could share a house with somebody. Somebody can do your laundry; you could cook for somebody; someone can cook for you. There are many things you can do and get from others. But particularly for those of us who are Christians, we reserve sex primarily for when you get married, and so it is exclusive.

Understanding the Impact of Infidelity

Once there is betrayal — I mean, somebody has cheated, there’s infidelity — we begin to ask the question: how do we start feeling safe again in bed?This applies to the person who was cheated on and to the person who cheated. Interestingly, when it comes to infidelity, it affects both partners. For the person who was cheated on, and for the person who strayed, both parties need to realise that safety begins outside the bedroom.

Safety Begins Outside the Bedroom

We are not talking about sex right now. We have to be looking at emotional comfort. We have to look at how open conversations are. Remember, we talked about transparency last time.We have to ensure that apologies are actually sincere. There has to be a kind of teamwork between the two people to create this foundation that prevents their marriage from further infidelity.

Rebuilding Emotional and Social Safety

When emotional safety rises, social safety will also follow. It always begins outside the bedroom. Starting with sex is not a good concept at all.I think the best place to start is with honest conversations, gentle touch, and non-sexual connection between both partners.

Taking Time Before Returning to Sexual Intimacy

You may actually want to suspend sex for several months. And if you have to suspend it for a year, I don’t think it’s too much for the marriage to heal, for the marriage to recover, and for that emotional connection to come back — for the emotional safety to return — before you start thinking about having sex again in the bedroom.That would be my concern regarding this.