Can Desire Return After Infidelity?

Infidelity is such a crazy thing, right? The good thing, however, is that people often ask me whether marriages can ever recover from it — and my answer is always yes. Come on, we literally have an infidelity recovery programme, and we’ve seen marriages heal after infidelity. So the real question becomes: can desire return after the emotional damage that infidelity causes?

Even if the person who cheated can still feel desire for the spouse they hurt — and, more importantly, if the person who was cheated on can still feel desire for the partner who betrayed them — the answer is yes. Desire can return, but we must understand that it only comes back in phases.

Do not forget that infidelity creates an emotional shock. That shock can completely shut everything down.

However, as the relationship becomes calmer and both partners commit to reconnecting and rebuilding from outside the bedroom — rebuilding physical intimacy and emotional intimacy — you will notice that security starts to grow again within the marriage. And when security grows, one common thing happens: desire begins to wake up. It returns not because the partner has forgotten the pain, nor because the body has forgotten the pain, but because connection is being rebuilt.

This is why we often tell couples going through infidelity recovery to be patient. Let things grow slowly and gradually. Yes, desire will return, but I don’t expect it to happen within one month, two months, or even three months.

If it does, then that’s a miracle. But as long as both partners are choosing forgiveness, choosing connection, choosing bonding and rebuilding, we can confidently say that desire will awaken again. In fact, I can almost guarantee it.