What killed our spark?

Do you sometimes feel that you no longer have desire for your spouse, or maybe your spouse no longer has desire for you? Or perhaps the two of you no longer have desire for each other. I have been in that position too, and there are times when I have been in that position and I had to ask myself, what is happening?

When Desire Feels Lost

I would wonder: what is it that has keyed us back in this marriage, in this relationship? Why does it look as though our desires for each other, or the desire that I have for my wife, has disappeared? Why is she no longer looking sexy? Why is she no longer looking hot to me?

But over time I came to realise that desires usually do not die. It is not that the desire we have for our spouse dies. What happens is that life happens, and the circumstances of life can make our desires buried. They are simply buried.

How Life Overwhelms Desire

Life gets too serious. Life gets too demanding. Life gets heavy. And when all of these things are happening, you know what happens? Your body will naturally shut down your sexual energy.

Why? Because your body wants to use that romantic and sexual energy to solve all of life’s other problems.

Questions Worth Asking

So I began to ask myself questions, and I want you to ask yourself those same questions when you feel desire has disappeared. What is it that actually keyed us back? From my own reflections, I realised that most times it is not one big thing. It is not one dramatic event. It is just little things.

A Build-Up of the Small Things

There is stress here, exhaustion there. There is a routine that is killing things. There is emotional distance. Perhaps there is an unresolved argument. Maybe there is a new baby, or a new member in the family. A new person living with you—another child, another adult—something new in the mix.

It could also be changes in health. And yes, we should not downplay spiritual or psychological pressures. These things can key back your life.

Stress Disguised as Lost Attraction

Some people say, “I no longer feel sexual. I no longer feel romantic.” I simply want to check what their stress life looks like.I still remember working with someone who felt she was no longer attracted to her husband. And by the time we were done, we realised that her husband had no role to play. It was just the stress she was getting from work.

The Real Answer

So that is my answer to this.That is my answer.