1. Can a Couple Realistically Stay Without Sex for Months?

My wife was saying something recently. We had this conversation in bed and we were just talking, and my wife was like, “Okay, can the two of us, without any health complications or any health reasons, stay away from sex for three months?” And I said, well, yes, we can. She looked at me and she started laughing. I was wondering why she did so.

I realised the reason she laughed was because she felt that—in fact, she said something like this—“I know the husband that I married; he cannot do without sex for that long with me sleeping next to him on the bed.” So I asked her, “Do you think you can do the same?” And she said no, she cannot.

2. Is There a Universal Number for ‘Too Long’?

People get to ask us, how long is too long without sex? How long is too long for a couple to go without sex? I don't have a timeline to give on that because there is actually no—is there a universal number? Is there actually a universal number?

You see, this is how I should explain it: once the time space—or is it time lapse now—once the time lapse between the last sex and the next sex causes a lot of emotional tension, causes loneliness, causes resentment, then it is too long. I mean, once the gap between the last sex and the next sex hurts the relationship or hurts one or the two people in the relationship, it is too long, right? So it is your relationship that determines how long is too long for you both.

3. What Do Couples Normally Aim For?

I know I try to suggest that couples should have sex at least once a week, right? And worst case, once in two weeks. But there are couples who, because of the nature of their job and the rest, can stay without sex longer—the time space can be wider than that—and they are still fairly fine.

4. How Do You Know the Gap Has Become Harmful?

But the truth about it is that, like I said, if it's causing tension, loneliness or resentment—if it's hurting the relationship or hurting any person or hurting the two of you—it is too long. Find a way, find a way to have sex and find a way to bridge it.

5. How Can Couples Set Healthy Expectations?

So you actually want to pay attention and ask yourself and ask your partner: “How long a gap can we give between sex? What's the longest you can take and what's the longest I can take?” And try to experiment with it, so that way you are able to set a standard to say, “At least every so-and-so, we must have sex,” so that you don't push yourselves, your partner, and the marriage to experience that stress, loneliness, disconnection, or resentment.