Disconnected Heart: Why does real connection feel boring compared to porn?

Pornography Addiction -Ask Liza Express Answers

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Disconnected Heart: Why does real connection feel boring compared to porn?

Because porn offers intensity without intimacy. It’s fast, predictable, and designed to overstimulate the brain. Real connection, on the other hand, is slower, subtler, and emotionally layered. If you’ve spent years training your brain to respond to highintensity stimuli, everyday intimacy can feel muted.

This “boredom” is actually a symptom of dopamine desensitization. Your reward system becomes less responsive to natural pleasure because it has been conditioned to expect extreme levels of stimulation. Think of it like someone who eats spicy food for years—mild food tastes bland not because it’s bad, but because the palate has been overwhelmed.

Real intimacy requires emotional presence, vulnerability, and patience. Porn requires none of these. So the contrast feels jarring. But as porn use decreases and emotional connections strengthen, the natural pleasure of real intimacy begins to feel more satisfying than the artificial rush.

Your heart isn’t bored—it’s underused. When you retrain the emotional system, connection becomes rich again.

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tolusefrancis Toluse Francis is a renowned mental health therapist, certified life coach, trainer, and consultant dedicated to promoting emotional well-being and resilience. Therapy and Coaching Expertise Approach: He uses evidence-based techniques from behavioral sciences, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Specialties: His areas of expertise include: Anxiety and Depression Trauma, Grief, and Loss Relationship Issues Habits and Addiction Workplace Mental Health Focus: He is committed to helping individuals move past negative experiences, overcome poor mental health, and focus on their future with enthusiasm. Professional Roles and Advocacy Founder: He is the principal and CEO of Reuel Consulting Ltd, a firm specializing in helping organizations and individuals move toward measurable mental health action. Leadership: He has served as the African Regional Vice President and a Board Director for the World Federation for Mental Health (WFMH), overseeing activities in the African region. Public Profile: He is a sought-after writer, public speaker, and media contributor on mental health, personal growth, and emotional intelligence, working to break mental health stigmas. Toluse Francis holds a B.Sc. in Biochemistry and a Diploma in Mental Health and Psychology. He has over 7 years of experience in the field, with sessions typically conducted online.