Why do I mistake attention for love?
Love vs. Attention- Ask Liza Express Answers
When you’ve experienced emotional neglect, inconsistent affection, or trauma, attention becomes a form of currency. It feels like validation, safety, and recognition. So when someone gives you focused attention—especially romantic or sexual attention—it triggers a deep emotional hunger that you may mistake for love.
Attention is instant. Love is consistent. Attention excites. Love stabilizes.
People who grew up emotionally starved often accept attention as proof of their worth because they weren’t taught what healthy love looks like. And when your selfworth is shaky, even small doses of attention feel intoxicating.
Trauma also distorts attachment patterns. You may confuse intensity with intimacy, validation with affection, or desire with commitment. This makes you vulnerable to relationships where the other person gives just enough to keep you emotionally hooked.
Recognizing the difference requires slowing down and evaluating:
Does this person show up consistently?
Do they care about my peace, not just my presence?
Do they respect my boundaries?
Do they invest emotionally, not just sexually?
Attention is a spark. Love is a structure. When you learn the difference, you stop settling for people who excite you but cannot hold you.
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